The Journey of Our Youth

students-at-campus-112971702561ZkI am currently reliving (for the 3rd time) that stressful, exciting, disappointing time of the year as my youngest son awaits news about which colleges have accepted him. Every time I have been through this, I reflect on how much pressure we as a society are putting on our children regarding their journey through life. It often starts with getting them into a good preschool, followed by good grade schools, etc. We hustle them from sports practice to dance or music lessons, or computer programming or scouts, or whatever the new buzz is that is guaranteed to help them succeed.

Don’t misunderstand me, I think that a good education and engaging extracurricular activities are important for children. They teach great skills and offer exposure to many new things. I just don’t see a need to over-schedule a child’s life. A more important question for me is “Am I raising a good citizen who can navigate this world as an adult? Is he resilient, thoughtful, compassionate, engaged? Does he have a good work ethic? Is he grounded emotionally and spiritually?” By my thinking these are the character traits that will help him be successful in his life. These are all things that his chosen community and his family teach and model for him.

All the talk at high school revolves around which college you will attend or what advanced classes are you taking. Even the rhetoric from the adult leaders is centered on college, as if that is the only successful journey you can make. Yes, my son is choosing to go to college,  but it isn’t the right choice for everyone. If we look at it from the prospective of our youth who may feel crushed by the weight of societal expectations, can we change our rhetoric? Could our church community be a place where we can nurture the passions of our youth, regardless of outside pressures? A place where the question isn’t “Where are you going to college next year?” Instead we ask, “Tell me about yourself? What is your path? What brings you passion? Do you need support to follow that path?” And we stand there ready to offer that support and a safety net when needed.

The Path Less Traveled

hiking-path-599Stumped. That’s what I was today as I began to write this blog. At this very moment I don’t have the energy or desire to be profound or inspiring or challenge your thought. I just want to be — be quiet, be happy, be tired, be lonely, be angry, be whatever the moment holds. My personal life is a flurry of activity, chaos and pending transition that has my head spinning. My professional life follows the routine that I have created over the past four years at WUUC. Somewhere in the middle of (or maybe beneath) these two very different lives is the journey that I must take to find myself among all the comings and goings of my structured existence.

Not so easy, though, to make the time to explore this less-worn pathway–at least not for me. On Sunday I don’t get to worship because I’m working. During the week I hurry home from work to deal with family issues.  Where am I in all this coming and going of my life and how do I feed my soul? Sound familiar to anyone?

I do work on my meditation practice and revel in time outside in nature, but often the other bits of my life creep in and distract me. It seems I’m always busy doing something for others and I’ve never been good at making time for myself.  I’m talking about real time – quiet, silent, contemplative time – the time and space I need to unpack all the extra items that I’ve been carrying around on my life’s journey. You know, the items that are so heavy you think you might break from their weight. The items we bury deep in our hearts, like the garbage at the bottom of our backpack that we carry out of the woods when we hike. It stinks when you open it up and see what is there, but it only stinks more the longer it stays buried before we discard it. Or maybe I’ll discover that this path leads me in a totally different direction from what I have become comfortable with? And would that be so bad?

All I know is that right now, today, I need to travel down that less-worn path–to put one foot ahead of the other and allow myself to get a little lost along the way. I know in my heart that I cannot truly escape this particular journey, I can only avoid being present along the way. I have hurts and anger and doubt that are still close to the surface, ones not dealt with and ones that aren’t easily discarded. Maybe I can find a way to compost them into something beautiful and new and fresh if I slowly unpack them, if I am present to the pain and joy that the journey brings.  Maybe that is what a spiritual journey is all about, the process of letting go–unpacking–to find the beauty and wholeness of ourselves. Just a thought.

Familying Our Way

March's theme - JOURNEYS

Click here for March, Journeys

I spent the last two days in a workshop about “faith formation.” There were a few UU colleagues present as well but most of the folks attending were Christian ministers or educators or lay leaders. So my colleagues and I spent a lot of time “translating” the language into Unitarian Universalism. My definition was “whatever wakes you up and kicks your butt.” (More on that in a sermon later.) But the definition that was shared that I found really useable for UU’s is, “ Finding one’s story. The story that sustains you and helps sustain the universe- a road map for living a good life.”

For us to find our stories, our lives need to be “anchored in a seedbed of relationships.” At all ages and stages of our lives, we need a network of relationships that go with us and accompany us on our journeys. The workshop facilitator called that network of relationships “familying.” The relationships that have the perhaps the most influence on our development as human beings are the blood ties: our biological families or the family structure that we are raised in, blood or adoptive or chosen. Then there are the household relationships that affect our development: the relationships we have with those whom we live with. And finally there are the essential relationships of our “chosen family:” those who we have gathered into our hearts. This is the pool of relationships upon which we can draw to build foundational, sustaining, nurturing relationships.

I also learned that research shows that there are 5 moments in daily life that contribute to households and families functioning and liking one another. Moments that lay the groundwork for deeper, more connective relationships:

Moment 1: Exits and Entries: how do you and those you share a household or life with take leave of one another and enter common space together after absence? Are there words exchanged? Physical contact made like a hug? Eye contact? A text or Facebook message? Pay attention to these as a moment of connection.

Moment 2: Bedtime: how does your household wind down the day? Are folks in bed glued to screens? Is there any snuggling or reading out loud to one another or talking to one another? A Walton’s moment goodnight exchange? Or do folks retire separately without any words or connection?

Moment 3: Mealtime: yes I know that is become somewhat of an endangered phenomenon. Could it be reclaimed in some way? Could all media devices be turned off and actual conversation be had. Not as in, “How was school today, “ or “How was your day,” but perhaps, “what are you grateful for today?” Or, “what went right for you today?”  Connection with real live voices.

Moment 4: Car time:  Most of us in this area spend an inordinate amount of time in our cars going hither and yon, often with kids in our cars. What if we didn’t put in the DVD or didn’t all slap in ear buds or have our faces buried in our phones? What if we talked? I used to travel with youth and always banned the radio or walk persons. I made them tell me stories. Sometimes we picked a theme as in tell me a story from your life involving water. Or tell me something from when you were 6. Stories are connection.

Moment 5: Memory Making Moments: moments in household life that cry out to be remembered -the moments that just happen. We create a shared history and ties by retelling stories of events that involved folks. This happens for friends and family and even co-workers. They build upon each other, deepening ties and connections.

We are a relational species. We have need of one another. We find our own stories and develop our own road map by the journeys we travel in the company of relationships. So seize the 5 moments of potential connection in each day. Find your peeps and carry on…

Peace, Shalom, Salaam,

Rev. Lo