By Jan Radoslovich The October 2020 Soul Matters theme was “Deep Listening.” WUUC’s Lay Pastoral Associates (LPAs) and Rev. Dan would like to take this opportunity to share some of the skills we use for deep listening.Each of us in the congregation can have the opportunity to provide care to each other in times of need. Deep listening has an important role in enabling us to support each other in our beloved community.
Why do
it?
Practicing
and developing deep listening skills can offer the “quality of listening that
is possible among a circle of human beings, who by their attentiveness to one
another create a space in which each person is able to give voice to the truth
of their life.” Rebecca Parker
Deep
Listening Includes:
Being aware of your own ability and
readiness to engage with the speaker.
Being fully present in the “here and
now” with the speaker, tuned in to the experiences, feelings and needs
expressed in this moment.
Being attentive to the speaker’s
speech and body language for deeper meaning, unspoken needs and feelings
conveyed.
Being aware that the speaker’s
experiences and points of view may not be the same as yours, and your role is
to understand and reflect, not judge or agree.
Asking questions to encourage the
speaker to clarify their thinking and feelings in order to more fully understand
their truth.
How to
Practice Deep Listening:
Center
the speaker as the focus of the conversation
You are present for the speaker. Keep the focus on the needs of the speaker as they talk. Avoid statements or comments that redirect the conversation back to you as the listener. Ex. “That reminds me of something similar that happened to me.” Avoid statements or comments that change the subject. Ex. “Speaking of anger, did you see the movie about….”
Emphasize
the “here-and-now”
What does the speaker need “here-and-now?” What is happening for the speaker “here-and-now?” Avoid reassuring cliches, which tend to minimize the significance of the feelings and convey a lack of understanding or support. Ex. “It will all work out.” “Everyone feels that way.” “It’s not as bad as you think.” “The universe has a plan for everything.”
Focus
on feelings
Ask questions about feelings. Use active listening skills such as: reflecting, probing, supporting to convey interest in understanding feelings. Verbalize implied feelings to validate understanding and help the speaker become more aware of their feelings. Ask the speaker to describe in words how they are feeling right now. Ask the speaker to describe how they feel about the situation.
Balance
words with silence
Use silence to slow the pace of the conversation. This gives the speaker time to reflect upon, then speak further about feelings and insights that have arisen from their sharing. As a listener, become comfortable with the uncomfortable void of silence. The speaker is doing their internal work during this void.
Show
empathy and respect
Empathy is doing our best to see and experience the world or situation from the perspective of the speaker. Respect is offering regard for the speaker’s perceptions, opinions, feelings, needs and personhood. This can be done with simple phrases, “I hear what you are saying,” “I understand,” “This is a difficult time for you,” “Thank you for sharing so openly with me.”
In
summary
“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.” Henri Nouwen
Are you willing to be a deep
listener?
Authored by Jan Radoslovich, lay pastoral associate, with guidance from Soul Matters, What Does it Mean to Be a People of DEEP LISTENING? October 2020.
By Carol Taylor Join us for 21 days of learning, reflection, discussion, and action. Spend a few minutes each day exploring videos and readings on a different topic. Get the opportunity to share your thoughts and plans with others in the community. Sign up here to participate.
Understand the origins of the concept of race, how it influences us as individuals and as a culture, and how it functions to preserve inequity in our laws, institutions, and systems.
Inspect the disparities in health, wealth and well-being that are largely a result of racism enshrined in public policy over the course of U.S. history.
WUUC is trying this out as an unmoderated learning group in November. We will then review and evaluate running it again next year.
Adapted from Michigan League for Public Policy who developed this program to achieve their mission of economic security for all Michiganders by applying a racial equity lens to their anti-poverty work.
Why are we doing this? Without understanding the origins of the concept of race, how it influences us as individuals and as an organization, and how it functions to preserve inequity in our laws, institutions and systems we won’t be able to truly achieve the justice, equity, and compassion in human relations that we’re committed to as UUs.
By signing up you’ll receive the Zoom link for the challenge kick-off, a link to the daily challenge content, weekly reminders, and the opportunity to share your thoughts and plans with others participating as part of this WUUC community activity.
Note: Bridget Laflin is planning to offer an alternative version for families, children and youth. Contact bridgetdre@wuuc.org for additional information.
By John Hartman On Oct. 16, WUUC celebrated the completion of the Vote Forward, Get Out the Vote letter-writing initiative.
Over the last 7½ months, 42 WUUC letter writers wrote a total of 5,405 letters. The letters are targeted to registered voters in Texas and Nevada who are infrequent voters. The letters were mailed on Oct. 16, with hopes that they reach the hearts of these voters and they help to make a difference in voter turnout this year.
We had a brief, socially distanced, gathering outside WUUC to celebrate the success of the project and award prizes to the top letter writers.
The top three letter writers received Ruth Bader Ginsburg bobblehead dolls:
Top letter writers include, from left, Lou Anne Maxwell, Jane Mathewson and Jan Anderson.
Lou Anne Maxwell – who wrote 500 letters.
Jane Mathewson – who wrote 420 letters.
Jan Anderson – who wrote 400 letters.
Everyone who wrote at least 200 letters received a “Let People Vote” pin:
Displaying their “Let People Vote” pins are, from left, Janice Anthony, Marilyn Schmitt and Grace Simons.
Janice Anthony – who wrote 370 letters
Marilyn Schmitt – who wrote 350 letters
Hilarie Cash – who wrote 320 letters
Grace Simons – who wrote 220 letters
Stephana Ditzler – who wrote 200 letters
John Hilke – who wrote 200 letters.
Stephana Ditzler and John Hilke each wrote 200 letters, while John Hartman coordinated the entire effort.
Thanks to everyone who participated in this project. I am so grateful this resonated with so many people in WUUC.
Our new settled minister Dan Lillie will be co-ordained by
Woodinville Unitarian Universalist Church and First Unitarian Church of
Albuquerque on Sunday, October 4.
The act of ordination happens just once for a minister. It
is the moment when a congregation (or sometimes more than one!) affirms a
minister’s call to a lifetime of service to the living tradition of Unitarian
Universalism.
Please attend this special (entirely virtual) ceremony to
show your support and be part of the celebration!
