by WUUC | Apr 25, 2018 | Minister Blog
The following was in the comment section of Facebook in regard to an article in the Washington Post about the racial conflict at our All Souls’ Church in D.C. It is written by a non-UU who has a lot of UU friends. I found it particularly insightful into who we appear to be as a people:
“My observation has been that Unitarians are often intellectuals themselves, sensitive people who deeply desire harmony and reconciliation, but they are also often (of course not always) introverted, even socially awkward people, which is why they are drawn to Unitarianism–it is perceived as a safe place. But perhaps their social awkwardness can make dialogue difficult when the going gets rough, and it makes everybody vulnerable to busybodies or bullies or manipulators (I am not singling out a race when I say that–I am talking about everybody). The introverts become prickly and nervous (raising my hand here!), wanting to do the right thing and say the right thing, but not necessarily knowing how to resolve a burningly painful conflict, which involves participating in drama, which they hate, and admitting to their own anger and internal aggression, which is terrifying.–I am sorry if this sounds insipid, I don’t mean it that way. I believe that Unitarians and people like them (of all ethnicities) are a bridge to a better world, but they have to find a way to be completely honest, including facing their own unconscious prejudices, without burning their bridges to each other.”
Some points from this comment for WUUC as it moves forward:
- Many UUs are introverts – so when the going gets rough, folks will do all they can to avoid conflict.
- We want to do and say the right thing – we are perfectionists asking way too much of ourselves. No one gets it right all the time or even some of the time. It is better to risk and make mistakes than to never venture into uncharted territory that is perceived as being a minefield for our perfectionism.
- None of us was taught how to resolve conflict – UU or otherwise. We don’t want to rock the boat. Yet most times the only way to resolve a conflict is to go through it. Which can be terrifying. It brings up anger and other emotions we are not comfortable feeling and will do almost anything to avoid.
- We have to find a way to be honest with one another. That is not an excuse to let someone else “have it.” It is an invitation to authenticity, curiosity, compassion, understanding, and clarity.
In the field of social change, the phrase, “Calling someone in,” has replaced the phrase, “Calling someone out.” The difference? When you call someone out for a statement or behavior, you can shame them, shut them down, disengage with them. But calling someone in means asking the person to say more, to engage further or at a deeper level or to return to right relationship and continued conversation.
Now, not all UUs are introverts (I, for one, am an unabashed extrovert). Not all of us are socially awkward. But introvert or extrovert, most of us struggle with how to fight fair or be in a conflict and see it through to a resolution. Sometimes we get lost in the blame game which halts any forward movement. What I hope for WUUC in the coming months is that you will practice calling each other in to conversation and community rather than calling one another out.
What you all are about to embark on is sacred work. Engage with it. Remember to have some fun along the way and genuinely enjoy one another. Forgive each other. Have self- compassion. Give yourself over to the community not only through volunteering but by showing up on Sunday mornings expecting nothing, being open to what might happen, and taking away from it what you will. A community that worships together stays together.
That is my wish for you: that you stay together.
Peace, Shalom, Salaam,
Rev.Lo
by WUUC | Mar 22, 2018 | Minister Blog
“Our whole spiritual transformation brings us to the point where we realize that in our own being, we are enough. “ Ram Dass
When it comes to the spiritual life in Unitarian Universalism, there are those who declare it to be missing in action. Yes, the proverbial pendulum has swung in our denomination from hard core Humanism to an interest in a spiritual depth. For those of you who see “spiritual humanist” as an oxymoron, I highly recommend the book, “Reason and Reverence: Religious Humanism for the 21st Century” by William R. Murry, the former president of our Meadville Lombard seminary in Chicago.
When it comes to UU’s and spirituality, there is a lot of “cafeteria style” sampling of other traditions that we often remove from their context to call our own in a totally different context. Many of us are chasing our tails when it comes to exploring what “spirituality” is for us. The language that Murry uses in his book is that of “reason and reverence.” He also uses the words “awe” and “wonder.” For him, the discoveries of science enhance rather than erase the spiritual life. I was just watching a video on the life cycle of a butterfly and found myself saying out loud with awe and wonder, “Wow!”
We don’t need to chase every shiny penny when it comes to the spiritual life. As Ram Dass implies, it emerges from within us. He also adds something very important: we are enough just as we are. Transformation does not need to be a radical reforming of our lives. Spiritual transformation does not require that any of us wander in a desert for months. Spiritual transformation can simply bring us home to ourselves. To the realization that what emerges from within, is enough.
Rev. Lo
by WUUC | Mar 22, 2018 | Minister Blog
Clarence Skinner, perhaps the most influential Universalist minister of the 19th century, (http://uudb.org/articles/clarencerussellskinner.html) wrote that “the line between good and evil runs through people, not between them.” In today’s cultural and political climate of “us vs. them,” Skinner’s words were prescient.
Years ago, there was a poster floating around that said, “Jesus came to draw a circle around people; not a line between them.” And finally, the Rev. Dr. Rebecca Parker cautioned UU’s in our propensity for dualism: evil was out there in others, not in us — we are the “good guys.” She said that the potential for evil lies within each one of us. Then there is the Native American story in which a grandfather tells his grandson that there are two wolves fighting inside of him. One is evil (hatred or anger), one is good (love, compassion). The boy asks, “Which wolf will win?” The grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”
I share all of these perspectives because our country is in yet another wave of “sorting.” Sorting ourselves by religious belief, gender identity, affectional orientation, political party, class, skin color, educational level, ability/disability, country of origin, and economic status. We draw deeper and deeper lines in the sand, never daring to step over what has become a canyon that separates us from one another. We find anything that can divide us and cling to it. We hold on tighter to anything that could be binary. Consequently, there are a whole lot of “those people” and “people like us.” Ironically, we are doing this in a time when technology can connect us globally in seconds across time zones, cultures, languages, and nations. Thanks to local companies like Microsoft, the Gates Foundation, and Google, those of us who were born here are more likely to be working alongside someone from another part of the world than any prior generation.
The response to this global mingling is a last gasp to keep pockets of homogeneity alive. It is a fear-based response. The desperate categorizing is a way to distance oneself. It is a protective stance much like the turtle that pulls in its head and limbs when sensing danger. The trouble is that the turtle can then see nothing or move anywhere. It stays stuck, defensively in one place.
I will confess that there are times when I am very much like the turtle. I want some folks to be other, to remain separated from me. Because how they think and what they believe and what they espouse runs counter to everything I think, believe, and espouse. I do not want to entertain the idea that good and evil run through me as opposed to between me and the other. Some days I just plain don’t want to feed the loving, compassionate wolf. I just want to be with my peeps who reflect back to me who I am and what I know. But as this sort of false dualism persists, we become more and more on the verge of falling in love with our own reflection just like Narcissus.
It is easier to draw lines between then a circle around people. It is hard work to see another’s reflection, way of thinking, believing and acting in the world when it differs from our own. It is so easy to judge it and label it. How many times have any one of us said, “I would never…” Be careful for you don’t know what you are capable of until the moment presents itself.
Anger, hatred, evil, and good, love, compassion — they are dueling wolves inside of each of us. None of us is either or. We are all both and. Which means that each day, each moment, we have to befriend them all. The world is not binary and neither is any one of us. Sorting will only leave us stranded turtles, draw inward, afraid, isolated. Within ourselves and within our culture, the task is to draw circles around, not in between.
Use pencil, pen, crayons, paints — just start drawing…
Peace, Shalom, Salaam,
Rev. Lo
by WUUC | Feb 27, 2018 | Minister Blog
“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
I have always loved this quote from the writer, E.B. White. And of course, I always want to be able to do both: improve the world and enjoy it just as it is. There is merit to both. We know that the world cries out in pain and suffering and that it will always do so. Utopia ain’t us. And so we keep trying because it is in us to save, protect, fix, advance, and restore things. There is always yet another improvement that can be made to enhance life itself.
But there is something to be said in enjoying the world just as it is. In all its brokenness and beauty. To accept the bitter and the sweet. To be fully present in all that is, floating in the now. It is about accepting what is and the limits of what any of us can do. It is also pausing rather than moving through the world like the wild hare in Alice in Wonderland whose rude cry is “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date!” Really?
What is so important that one cannot stop to see the crocuses opening and shutting their petaled selves. Or to glimpse the flowering of the heather or the tree behind the sanctuary and in the southeast bed at the church? And the still naked trees are full of red tail hawks and eagles. The fields still feed the lingering snow geese, tundra swans, and Canada geese. And the sunsets recently? Such an intensity of color. Even the white dots barely visible masquerading as snow. Remember, it is February and that we are always fooled this time of year into believing that Spring has sprung.
I am convinced that if I do not enjoy the world with all of its mixed gifts, just as it is, then I have no business trying to improve it. Because I haven’t seen or listened enough to it. I haven’t gotten mud on my pants and dirt under my nails and pieces of winter’s detritus in my hair. I haven’t rolled in the sunshine and lifted my head to the rain and wind. And because our days are too often a forced choice between working so hard and be-ing.
It is all about balancing the teeter totter of life. Only you can determine and know what that sweet spot, that balance, is for you…
Peace, Shalom, Salaam,
Rev. Lo
by WUUC | Feb 23, 2018 | Minister Blog
I was reading the booklet, “Civic Engagement and the Restoration of Community: Changing the Nature of the Conversation” the other day as homework for a webinar course I am taking. Its focus is “about the methodology for creating a future for our community that is distinct from and not predicted by its past. Creating a future is different than naming a future…the way we create conversations that overcome the fragmented nature of our communities is what creates an alternative future.” I was reading this booklet through the lens of my perception of where WUUC is at the moment. Some of us in leadership have been naming WUUC’s future. Some of that naming has not resonated well with some folks. I am grateful to those who have been brave enough to talk to me directly about their concerns. Where we are, in my opinion, is at the place of needing to have conversations that create our future.
We need to be able to have conversations about race, racism, and white supremacy without fear of retribution or being out of step or not being politically correct enough. We need to be able to openly and honestly ask questions in a safe space knowing that we will be heard, not judged. We need to speak our truth to one another even when it is uncomfortable or we do not agree. Ministry is for all who are in our community- especially for those who dissent. In religious community we use the words “covenant” and “right relationship.” In the secular booklet I was reading, they talked about “accountability.” I found their take to be very helpful:
“Accountable, among other things, means you act as an owner and part creator of whatever it is that you wish to improve. In the absence of this, you are in the position of effect, not cause… a powerless stance. To be accountable is to care for the well-being of the whole and act as if this well-being is in our hands and hearts to create. This kind of accountability is created through the conversations we have with each other…”
Your Board is committed to having such conversations and is actively working with the Healthy Congregations Team in the District to figure out how to best have that happen at WUUC. The hard part when it comes to these conversations is that those whose voices – often those of dissent – stay away from rather than engage in such conversations. As the booklet says, “This recognizes that for every gathering there are those not in the room who are needed. Those who accept the first call will bring the next circle of people into the conversation.”
There will not be just one conversation. There will be many. I ask you to respond when the invitation to conversations are sent out. That your response is showing up and speaking your truth. None of us is powerless in this conversation. Truly, the well-being of this community is in your hearts, words, and hands to create.
Peace, Shalom, Salaam,
Rev. Lo
by WUUC | Jan 24, 2018 | Minister Blog
Years ago, I was emceeing an annual awards event for the queer community. With that task came delivering opening remarks. I thought I had stumbled on something brilliant based on listening to and watching the fall geese that filled the skies periodically that fall. Their group flight seemed the perfect metaphor for community, leadership, survival, and perseverance. Well apparently, around that same time, that very same metaphor was making the rounds. It still is.
The leadership coach Lolly Daskal breaks down the geese metaphor this way:
Unity. A flock of great northern geese will fly thousands of miles in a perfect V formation. As each bird moves its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird that is following. It’s estimated that their formation flying is 70 percent more efficient than flying alone.
We can get where we are going if we don’t try and do it alone. Rely on the strength of community.
Interdependence. At a distance the flock appears to be guided by a single leader. But the lead bird does not in fact guide the formation. When the lead bird tires, it rotates back in the formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the birds in front.
Leadership is best shared…True leadership means interdependence.
Encouragement. Each flock finds its own unique rhythm and spirit. The pulsating sound of the huge flapping wings excites and energizes the entire formation; the geese enthusiastically honk from behind to encourage those in front to keep up their speed.
We need to make sure we are honking words of encouragement to each other. As opposed to making disparaging remarks or demanding too much from our leadership. Quit asking if ‘we’re almost there yet – you’ll know when we are.
Loyalty. When a member of the flock becomes sick or wounded, two geese drop out of the formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it is able to fly again—then they soar off together to catch up with the flock.
We don’t abandon one another when the going gets tough. We accompany and attend to one another.
For the geese, there is no thinking all of this through: it is instinct. It isn’t even perseverance: it just is. And yet it is the perfect example of perseverance. We often conjure up images of iron will as well as aggressive physical strength to persevere. But that is only one way of persevering. Look at the give and take of the geese as they journey. Leadership is not taken but shared. They fill in for one another, letting the leader rest when they need to while still keeping a forward momentum. Nothing is lost in this exchange but so much is accomplished and preserved.
For many in the political and religious left, this is a time for a perseverance that will go the distance. The flock needs to share leadership allowing those who need to rest to rest. And honk encouragement rather than criticism to those who happen to be at the front of the “v” at the moment. And there will be those who must drop down and out for a while to regain themselves. Let them not do so in isolation but rather let us be by their side.
Remember these words from our teal hymnal from the song, “Woyaya:”
We are going, heaven knows where we are going,
We’ll know we’re there.
We will get there, heaven knows how we will get there,
We know we will.
This is perseverance…
Peace, Shalom, Salaam,
Rev. Lo
